“Try me, test me, and lead me.” That was the prayer I said this morning after hearing a sermon on the radio as I took the boys to school. I decided to post it on my Facebook so others could join me in saying the prayer too. I thought to myself, “Yes, that is exactly what I want…I want God to try me, test me, and lead me” because I want to be closer to him. Little did I know what I was really asking. It wasn’t too long after saying this prayer that my day seemed to become more challenging and frustrating. For the past four years, I have been unemployed and looking for work. It seems like every rock I turn over ends up being barren underneath. Either I’m overqualified or I’m under qualified. I have no idea what it would be like to be rightly qualified.
Today, the more I searched for a job the more frustrated I became with the process. First, you have to fill out the application. Second, you have to answer some standard questions. Finally, when you think you are almost done an assessment pops up with a little tag saying “this assessment will take between 45-60 minutes to complete.” As I was going through the process I found myself becoming irritable and even angry at times; even speaking out loud to my computer. I have been through this process hundreds of times and didn’t feel the level of frustration and anger I did today. Honestly, I didn’t even know why I was getting so angry.
After 2-3 hours of filling out online applications, I had the opportunity to actually go and hand deliver an application to a real person. It felt good to go somewhere and talk to a real person, however, she only gave me the breakdown on the process and what to expect. To make things even more pleasant, she mentioned that if you haven’t heard from us within three weeks, then you will know we have chosen other candidates. On the way home I saw another sign about a company hiring several people and so I stopped, went inside and inquired about the position. I was given a card and told to apply online and then told that if I qualified, I would receive a call. So, I finally made it back home around 5 pm, filled out the application online and when I finished, I noticed that someone had liked a comment I made on Facebook. I went to see what the comment was and saw, “Try me, test me, and lead me.”
For the first time this day, I realized what had been happening to me. God was trying me, testing me and leading me. However, I had failed miserably. When tried and tested, I became frustrated and angry. I was upset that I had to keep going through the same process over and over which seemed so hopeless. In Psalm 26:2 we read, “Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.” God was doing exactly what I had asked him to do, but not really what I was wanting him to do. Maybe I thought I had been good enough that I might find favor in his eyes and be able to forgo the process of the job search, but the truth is that I cannot earn God’s favor. Maybe I thought that I could skip the try me and test me part of this prayer and get straight to the lead me section, but the truth is God in his wisdom knows what I need and isn’t about to skip the part of the process that will get me to where he wants me to be – closer to Him.
The real truth is God cares about me deeply and there is nothing that can separate me from his love. “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39